A few things I’ve learned lately:
• Alaska is nearly three times the size of Texas but it only has about 730,000 people. Macomb County has more people than that. So does Oakland County. And Wayne County. But Alaska still gets two U.S. Senators. That’s insane.
• If you spell out numbers, you have to get all the way to 1,000 before you get to a number than contains the letter “a.”
• Daniel Ellsberg died earlier this month at the age of 92. He was the guy who leaked the Pentagon Papers, which many of you young folk have likely never heard of. He broke the law but his case was dismissed because of government misbehavior. As in, the feds authorized a break-in to Ellsberg’s psychiatrist’s office in an effort to dig up dirt about him. Imagine that.
• There is a bird in Alaska that has solid bones that allow it to dive deep into the ocean to seek food. But without hollow bones, the bird is a lousy flier, earning it the nickname of Flying Baked Potato.
• I would immediately become a fan of any sports team that adopted the nickname of Flying Baked Potatoes.
• Sometimes people pop out of nowhere and offer you a free private jet trip to Alaska where you can stay for free at a $1,000-a-night hunting lodge where you may or may not enjoy a $1,000 bottle of wine.
• Alaska has more coastline than all the other states combined. At one point, it is only 53 miles from Asia.
• After agreeing to pay a $750,000 settlement, the City of Howell said it never meant to be discriminatory toward agroup home for women. It was all a misunderstanding. City officials didn’t realize the home was for recovering addicts. Instead, they mistakenly thought that drag queens were going to be playing Bingo there.
• Glaciers move at, well, glacier-like speed, as slowly as a few inches a year. Still, their movement is faster than the forward progress made by Livingston County commissioners in accepting basic human rights for all of their citizens.
• The Hartland girls’ softball team won the state championship, largely due to a line-up of hard-hitting boys who pretended to be girls. Just kidding. The championship was obviously legit and well-earned. But no one has yet determined if there were any women playing for the Stanley Cup champion Vegas Golden Knights.
• The wife of Chief Justice John Roberts makes over a million dollars a year in commissions as a head-hunter for law firms that have cases before her husband. After no takers for more than two years, Colorado property owned by newly-confirmed Justice Neil Gorsuch was sold at a huge profit to the head of a law firm that has cases before the court. Meanwhile, happy traveler Clarence Thomas is revered by the right because of his stance that affirmative action gives unfair advantages to Blacks and other minorities.
• Alaska is the most northern state in the USA. It is also the most western state. It is also the most eastern state.
• Bud Light is rolling out a new ad campaign to revive slumping sales. It features Kid Rock choking kittens.
• Marjorie Taylor Greene pulls the puppet strings for House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, making her one of the most influential elected Republicans in the country. She is also the person who said California forest fires were started by Jewish space lasers.
• The Detroit Lions have revealed a new alternative helmet. That helmet has seen almost as many Lions playoff wins ashave most living Lions fans.
• There is no way to drive to Alaska’s capital, Juneau, by car.
• Because of weather conditions, about 70 percent of tourists who visit Denali National Park are not able to see its namesake.
By the way, I was in Alaska last week. It was amazing. (And, yes, I saw Denali.)
