by A bride-to-be is caught in an emotional dilemma after her childhood best friend began assuming she would be named maid of honor, despite the bride wanting to give the role to someone else. The situation has sparked a larger conversation online about expectations, changing friendships, and how to navigate tricky wedding dynamics.
The bride shared her struggle on Reddit’s “Wedding” forum, asking whether she would be “awful” for choosing a different maid of honor and how to break the news without damaging their long-standing friendship.
Childhood Friend Expects the Role
According to the bride, her childhood friend has already made casual comments about being the maid of honor, leaving her feeling pressured. The complication: the bride doesn’t feel as close to her as she once did, even though she served as this friend’s maid of honor seven years earlier.
While the two still talk and maintain a connection, the bride wrote that their current relationship isn’t strong enough for her to offer such an important role in the wedding.
She also noted that her friend has shown very little interest in the groom, which raises concerns about how well the friend understands their relationship.
Bride Prefers a More Recent, Meaningful Friendship
Instead of choosing her childhood friend, the bride wants to honor someone she grew close to during a significant period in her life.
She explained that she and her fiancé have been together for eight years but experienced a brief breakup during year five. During that time, the couple lived out of state, and she formed deep connections with new friends.
She described these newer friendships as “super meaningful”, adding that she has remained very close to those individuals ever since.
As wedding planning begins, the bride said she is struggling to decide how to structure her bridal party without causing conflict.
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Reddit Users Encourage a Role-Free Bridal Party
Reddit users shared a wide range of advice, but many agreed on one simple solution: don’t choose a maid of honor at all.
The top comment read:
“You could always not have a maid of honor. My best friend couldn’t choose between me or her sister as MOH, so we were both bridesmaids at the same level.”
Others echoed this suggestion, noting that removing distinguished titles can prevent hurt feelings and ensure everyone feels equally valued.
However, some users highlighted a potential issue: the person who stands next to the bride at the altar may still be perceived as the maid of honor, even if no title is given. To avoid unintentional hierarchy, one commenter suggested lining up the bridal party by height rather than closeness.
Alternative Solutions Offered by Commenters
Some Redditors recommended giving both friends the title of maid of honor, though this often introduces the very complications many brides try to avoid—such as divided responsibilities, comparisons, and differing expectations.
Another popular idea was to skip the bridal party altogether, allowing the bride to celebrate without placing anyone on a pedestal.
One commenter explained:
“Just have everyone as bridesmaids with no MOH. There’s really no reason to hurt your friends’ feelings by publicly ranking them. If you want these two to feel special, ask them both to give speeches.”
Other users encouraged the bride to communicate her feelings honestly but gently, reassuring her that prioritizing current, meaningful relationships is not wrong—even if it’s uncomfortable.
A Choice Many Brides Quietly Struggle With
The bride’s situation resonated widely, reflecting a common but often unspoken wedding challenge: relationships evolve, and childhood friendships don’t always maintain the same closeness into adulthood. Many brides face pressure to honor history rather than present-day bonds.
As the discussion showed, there’s no universal “right” answer—only the approach that best fits the bride’s values, relationships, and emotional comfort.
What Do You Think?
Should brides prioritize long-term friendships or choose the person they feel closest to now? Share your thoughts at mikeandjonpodcast.com.
