by A widely viewed TikTok video from a grandmother in the U.S. has ignited a heated online debate over whether parents should take “family vacations” without their married children’s spouses. The creator, known online as @grandmacampplanner, argues that such trips are entirely acceptable — and not a sign of conflict or exclusion.
What Sparked the Backlash
In her video, the grandmother explains that some parents simply want time with the children they personally raised, without adding the pressures that often come with large, extended-family travel.
“Yes, it’s absolutely okay to take a vacation — a family vacation — without your sons and daughter-in-law,” she said. “It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Sometimes, you just want time with your own kids.”
She added that this desire is not rooted in drama, tension, or rejection. Instead, she described it as wanting occasional space to reconnect with the people she “survived life with.” According to her, the parent-child bond deserves opportunities to exist separately from the expanded family unit that forms after marriage.
Why Some Parents Prefer Smaller Vacations
The grandmother notes that logistics and finances play a large role. Many in-laws may feel obligated to attend a big family trip even if the cost or hassle is overwhelming.
She said that family travel can be expensive, especially for young married couples or new parents, and that fewer guests can sometimes mean a more relaxed, peaceful dynamic.
She added that, in some cases, in-laws might even appreciate being given permission not to join.
“Skipping a big group vacation might be the one thing that actually keeps the peace,” she said.
Critics Say “Family Means Everyone”
The video stirred major debate in the comments, where many viewers strongly disagreed.
One commenter wrote that once a child is married, the spouse becomes full family, and excluding them from a family trip undermines that bond. Another added, “The original crew was dissolved when the kids got married.”
Some argued that intentionally excluding spouses can create long-term resentment, even if the intention isn’t malicious.
Others insisted that a trip marketed as a “family vacation” should include everyone in the family, not just the parents and their biological children.
Her Follow-Up Video Clarifies the Intent
Amid the backlash, @grandmacampplanner posted a follow-up to explain that her message was being misinterpreted. She emphasized that the issue isn’t about disliking or rejecting in-laws.
“This is not about loving our son-in-law or daughter-in-law,” she said. “We do love them deeply. Wanting a moment with your own child isn’t rejection — it’s grief mixed with love.”
She explained that parents sometimes miss the version of their child who once belonged solely to them before marriage expanded their role and identity. This feeling, she stressed, does not diminish the love or respect they have for the spouses.
Why Single Parents Felt the Message Deeply
In her follow-up, she also highlighted how this sentiment can be particularly strong for single parents. Many spent years navigating life with only their child at their side, making the transition into adulthood — and new family structures — emotionally complicated.
“Letting go hits differently when you raise them alone,” she said.
The grandmother insisted that none of this is rooted in exclusion. In fact, she said she cherishes her children’s spouses “even more because they love our children in ways we can’t anymore.”
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Love Changes as Families Change
The debate touches on a deeper emotional truth: as children grow, relationships evolve. The grandmother suggested that wanting one-on-one time with adult children does not jeopardize the new family structure — instead, it can help preserve the original bond.
She concluded that “love changes its shape when your children grow”, and that families can honor all versions of love — past, present, and future — without diminishing any member.
Join the Discussion
What do you think — should parents be free to plan occasional vacations with just their biological children, or should family trips always include spouses?
Share your thoughts and see more conversations like this at mikeandjonpodcast.com.
