by Portland, OR — A new father’s plan to attend his close friend’s destination wedding just six weeks after the birth of his first child has ignited a heated debate online.
In a detailed post shared to Reddit’s well-known “Am I the A——” community, the man explained that while he intends to take two full months of paternity leave, he believes it’s “reasonable” to be gone for one weekend to support his friend on his big day.
His wife strongly disagrees, calling the idea “abandoning” her during a vulnerable time.
The Husband’s Dilemma
According to the man’s Reddit post, he and his wife are preparing to welcome their baby daughter. He emphasized that he has every intention of being hands-on during the early postpartum period and feels that stepping away briefly should not be a major issue.
He wrote that his wife is “really hurt” by his decision, fearing that handling a newborn so soon after birth — even for a couple of days — would leave her feeling unsupported. Despite this reaction, he argued that she would not be alone.
The husband explained that they have extensive family support, writing:
“We have lots of family support in the area, so someone can definitely stay with her for those couple days to make sure she’s not left alone. Her sister already volunteered.”
However, he also admitted something crucial: he doesn’t “even really want to go that much,” but he feels “obligated” because the wedding is, in his words, an “important, once-in-a-lifetime event” for his friend.
Reddit Users Rally Behind the Wife
The comments section quickly filled with strong opinions. Many Redditors insisted that the husband was minimizing how significant and difficult the postpartum period can be for new mothers.
One commenter pointed out that the man was overlooking the importance of his own major life milestone:
“The birth of your first child is every bit as much of a ‘once-in-a-lifetime event’ as your friend’s wedding. Except this is happening to YOU and YOUR WIFE, not some college buddy from out of state.”
Others stressed that paternity leave is designed for caregiving, not social travel. As another user put it:
“Paternity leave is for you to be there with your wife and newborn child, not for you to take a three-day vacation to attend a friend’s wedding.”
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Concerns About the Postpartum Period
A significant portion of the responses focused on how physically and emotionally challenging the first weeks after childbirth typically are for new mothers. Commenters urged the man to learn more about what his wife may face, particularly if she undergoes a C-section or experiences other complications.
One person wrote:
“Your wife and baby will never be as vulnerable as they are postpartum. She won’t be sleeping longer than two-hour chunks. If she has a C-section, she won’t be able to lift heavy objects yet.”
Another user added a perspective many new parents understand well:
“Your wife will be sleep-deprived, hormonal, and still in residual pain after having the baby. The first three months are bad. If she and your baby can’t go, you don’t need to either.”
Commenters warned him not to be the father who treats early parenthood like an optional responsibility while his partner struggles at home.
Communication Issues Take Center Stage
Several users highlighted that the emotional conflict might be less about the wedding and more about what the decision symbolizes. Many argued that his wife already communicated her needs clearly — and that he appeared more interested in external validation than listening to her.
One top comment summarized this sentiment:
“Your wife is telling you she needs her partner, and you are not listening.”
Another commenter was even more direct:
“Your heavily pregnant wife has told you how SHE feels about it already. She has communicated clearly, and instead of respecting her, you’re hoping strangers online will agree with you so you can justify ignoring her.”
Final Thoughts
The online community overwhelmingly sided with the wife, urging the husband to reconsider his priorities during a particularly delicate phase of early parenthood. While the friend’s wedding may feel important, many pointed out that the experience of supporting a partner and newborn is irreplaceable — and builds the foundation for a strong family dynamic.
For more conversations, human stories, and perspectives that spark discussion, visit mikeandjonpodcast.com.
